Dear Myleene Klass and Abbie Clancy,
I would like to set the record straight. Yes you are both mothers and yes you are both beautiful celebrity types doing lots of celebrity ‘stuff’. But please, please do not tell us you are normal working mums. Myleene, whilst publicising your sworn allegiance to yogurt drinks you tell us ‘we’re all in it together’. Umm – really? And Abbie, apparently you’re the same as any other working mother. Forgive my scepticism, but are you sure?
Now I’m not into comparing parenting styles or judging other mums. We’re all just doing what we think is right, within the resources, time and patience we have been blessed with. I just question if you both start the day with full-on window-shattering tantrums, negotiations on why adorning your jumper with an entire pack of stickers is not a good idea…and then racing to nursery and breakfast club, drop off your children with barely a goodbye… to then make it to your first work meeting of the day with just a minute to spare? Somehow, I think not.
Does a normal working mum consider carefully how camera-ready she is whenever she leaves the house for the pre-work school run? Does a normal working mum employ ‘ghost writers’ as Abbie did when she decided to ‘author’ a book? I think not (although I’m loving the idea of turning up to work and just telling someone what my idea of ‘work’ would look like! That should definitely catch on.)
Do you spend a whole day at work only to realise that the back of your prized Hobbs cardigan has been used as a human handkerchief and then have the dawning realisation that you’ve interacted with several colleagues all day, looking like a one-woman snot gallery? No, probably not. You probably have ‘people’ who are employed to look out for that.
I suspect that the celebrity lifestyle is nothing like mine. I suspect your nails are perfectly manicured. Mine are not. I suspect you do not possess a giant handbag containing baby wipes, Lego minifigures, an emergency bag of Haribo and some plastic superheroes for those boredom moments. I do. And there’s not a designer lip gloss in sight.
So thanks for being humble and pretending that you’re normal working mums. Myleene I do not doubt that you are a gifted musician, an accomplished business woman and philanthropist with multiple clothing ranges, and probably a degree in something very clever. And I know you are a single mum and that must be hard. But, I can say with some certainty that my children have not been on P Diddy’s yacht.
So let’s face it ladies. Your version of a normal working mum is not like mine. Plus, you certainly look significantly better in a bikini than me.
And without even a smidgen of jealousy (yeah, right),